


Better Than You

by ArgentSleeper



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:11:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8759977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentSleeper/pseuds/ArgentSleeper
Summary: Merlin is insecure, Arthur's in love, and nobody is drunk enough for this.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDragon/gifts).



> Happy Christmas, TheDragon! I hope you love your gift as much as I loved writing it! :)
> 
> Many thanks to my hard-working beta, A! Any remaining errors are my own.

 

 

“Stop fidgeting with your tie, Merlin.  You look beautiful.”

Merlin winced at the word, but let go of the noose around his neck.  “This was a bad idea.  I tried to tell you this was a bad idea.  You should have asked Morgana.”

The corners of Arthur’s mouth tilted down, though of course he did his best to hide it.  Neither of them could afford to make a scene here, not surrounded by all of Arthur’s business associates. His father Uther was wandering around somewhere too, though luckily Merlin hadn’t had to deal with him yet tonight.

“Because I didn’t want to come with Morgana.  I wanted to come with you.”  Arthur’s tone was tight, in direct competition to the light smile on his face.  “I promise, we only have to be here for an hour, then we can make our excuses.  Until then, could you please at least try to pretend it’s not torture for you to be in my presence?”

“It’s not–”  Merlin cut himself off, wishing they were alone and he could just reach out to grab Arthur’s hand to reassure him.  But then his heart panged in his chest at the reminder that Arthur probably wished that too.  “I’ll try.  Promise.”

It really wasn’t Arthur’s fault.  Merlin knew that, even as he grit his teeth and grabbed a flute of champagne from a nearby server.  He actually hated champagne, the taste falling somewhere between dog vomit and cat piss –not that he knew from experience, but he was fairly certain he wasn’t far off –but there was no way he was getting through this night without at least a moderate amount of alcohol.

He worked his way through three glasses as Arthur schmoozed with the other party goers.  He was surprised to find swallowing the vile liquid got much easier the more he did it.  Maybe he was developing a taste for it.  At some point Arthur got drawn into an intense conversation about some Australian tech company, and Merlin wandered off on his own.

Merlin recognised a few of the people at the party –if the dull gathering of posh business owners could ever be called a “party” –but he was far from someone any of them would ever bother talking to.  If he hadn’t met Arthur while working at a similarly posh restaurant in east Camelot –if spilling hot soup down Arthur’s white shirt could be called meeting –he wouldn’t have even had a reason to be here in the first place.  He still wasn’t entirely sure he had a reason.

“Say what you will about him, Arthur does clean up nice, doesn’t he?”

Four months ago Merlin would have jumped at Morgana’s sudden appearance at his side, but now he just accepted his inevitable doom.  “More than nice.”

“Have you told him that tonight?”  She smirked.  “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot we’re in earshot of other humans.”

Merlin necked back the remaining champagne in his half-empty flute.  And they were back to this.

After the soup incident that was “never to be spoken of again, _Mer_ lin,” things had somehow led to Arthur asking him out and ended in the most mind-blowing sex Merlin had ever had.  Since then their relationship had continued with a mixture of movie nights and more sex all over Merlin and Arthur’s respective flats.  This was actually the first time one of their “dates” had occurred outside their flats.

Morgana patted his arm sympathetically.  “When are you going to ditch my brother for someone who deserves you, Merlin?  You know so long as he’s under Uther’s thumb he’s never going to come out.”

But it wasn’t Arthur’s fault.  It wasn’t, no matter what they’d allowed Morgana and her fiancé Leon to believe after they’d caught them in a rather… compromising position.  It wasn’t Arthur who wanted to keep their relationship secret.  On the contrary, if he had his way he would have recognised their relationship publically months ago.  It was Merlin who had insisted on keeping it “just between us for now, please?”  Even when Arthur pushed it by inviting him to events like this, Merlin wouldn’t give in.  Tonight they were friends, nothing more.

“It’s… it’s just not the right time, Morgana.”  Merlin scanned the room for another server.  He needed another flute and he needed it now.  “You promised Arthur you’d drop it.”

But Morgana was a pit bull and it was foolish for anyone to ever believe they could change that.  “He may be my brother, Merlin, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with him.  No one should have to hide when they’re in love, and I can tell that you are.”

It took an absolutely monumental effort for Merlin not to react to that.  He’d thought he was hiding it so well.  Arthur had no clue, of that Merlin was certain, particularly after Arthur’s comments tonight.  It was the way it had to be, just like the secrecy of their fling.  Because that’s all it was, a fling.  Merlin knew that, even if Morgana wanted to see a romantic comedy behind every shared glance.  Any day now Arthur would realise how much better he could do than someone like Merlin and move on.  It was even more inevitable after tonight.  Arthur couldn’t possibly have missed the looks Merlin had received from the other guests.  They knew he didn’t belong here.

“Thanks for the advice, Morgana.  Now if you’ll excuse me.”

Merlin slipped away, desperate to find some place that wasn’t packed with people.  Unfortunately even the water closet seemed to be occupied.  Despite four months with Arthur, he hadn’t been around Uther’s house much, or rather, at all.  Finally he slipped into what seemed to be an empty office.  Most likely he wasn’t supposed to be in here, but at least he could take a moment to just breathe. 

On the desk was a small photo of Arthur and Morgana, back when they were around ten or so Merlin would guess.  It had obviously been taken by a professional photographer judging by the scene.  The two children sat stiffly next to each other, each in their Sunday best.  They had smiles on their faces, but Merlin had known them long enough now to tell they were fake.

Next to their photo was another, which was far less posed.  Merlin had never seen the woman in the picture before, but he knew it must be Ygraine.  Arthur’s mother had died when he was just a baby, some kind of haemorrhage during his birth that the doctors just couldn’t stop.  Arthur still talked about her all the time.  Apparently she and Uther had had a romance for the ages.  Despite his tense relationship with his father after Ygraine’s death caused Uther to withdraw from the world, it was the type of romance Arthur dreamed of.

It was also one Merlin could never give him.

A rattle of the doorknob caught his attention.  Instinctively he dove under the desk.  Uther did _not_ seem like the type of man who would be forgiving if he caught Merlin rummaging through his private things (even if that wasn’t _exactly_ what Merlin was doing).  The door opened and two men stepped inside, chuckling jovially.

“Have you seen the children tonight?” the man who’s voice Merlin didn’t recognise asked.  “I told you if we just let things develop naturally they would come together on their own.”

“Yes, yes, Godwin,” Uther laughed.  Merlin nearly choked to hear it.  He hadn’t thought that Uther knew how to laugh.  “In this one case you were right.”

“Do my ears deceive me?  Uther Pendragon admitting someone else was right?”  There was more laughter between the two men.  Merlin was starting to be sure at this point that they must be drunk.

“‘In this one case.’  I’ll admit; it was Arthur I was worried about more than your Elena.  The boy seems determined to go against anything he’s asked to do.  I’m glad he’s finally seen for himself how strategic a match between them could be.”

Merlin thought he knew who Uther was talking to now.  Arthur had mentioned Elena before, the daughter of one of Uther’s business associates and an old friend of the family.  Arthur said she reminded him a lot of Merlin.  Attractive, if a bit clumsy.  A good heart and a great love for horses.  That last bit was what set her and Merlin apart.  He couldn’t have ridden a horse if his life depended on it.  Arthur on the other hand, loved them.  He would have dragged Merlin to a dozen polo matches by now if he could.

“Who knows?  Maybe we’ll be looking at an Easter engagement and a Christmas wedding!”

The two men continued chatting about their businesses and more for what felt like hours.  Merlin was starting to get a cramp in his legs from being scrunched up so long.  Finally they took their leave, and he could escape from his hideout.  Stretch out his unused muscles, he gingerly stepped back out into the main room.  Their prescribed hour was definitely up by now.  Arthur was probably looking all over for him.

Or not.

Out the window Merlin could see Arthur standing on the veranda.  But he wasn’t alone.  A young woman was with him, one hand on his arm, presumably for support as she was doubled over laughing.  The smile on Arthur’s face was one of his genuine ones, for when he had not a care in the world.  The last time Merlin had seen it, it was directed at him.

“I told you, Merlin.  You deserve better.  Here, you look like you could use this.”

Merlin sighed, not able to tear his gaze away from the scene in front of him to face her.  He did grab the drink though, taking a large gulp.  “Who’s she?”

“That’s Elena Gawant.”  Morgana sniffed unapprovingly, sipping from her own glass.  “She and Arthur have been dancing around each other for years.  I thought he was over it since you two were together, but…”

“It’s not…” Merlin swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat.  “We never said we were anything serious.”

“Arthur’s not capable of serious.”  Morgana took his hand, squeezing it gently.  She probably meant it to be reassuring, but right now her hand might as well have been made of ice.  “I’m sorry, Merlin.”

Merlin disentangled himself from her grip and escaped to another sitting room.  He found himself an armchair in a corner out of the way, watching the rest of the party through a haze, helped along by finishing his fifth glass of champagne.  Of course.  He should have been prepared for it.  After all, that’s what Uther and Godwin were talking about, weren’t they?  How Arthur and Elena had finally decided to cosy up to each other?  He’d known all along this day was coming.  Any hurt he felt over it now was his own fault for fooling himself into ever thinking he could keep Arthur Pendragon for any longer than someone like him deserved.

“Merlin?  There you are.  I thought you would have come to find me ages ago.  See, I told you it wouldn’t be so bad.”

Merlin forced himself to smile up at Arthur, grateful for the buzz of mind-numbing alcohol through his veins.  Gods, but he was so handsome.  It was going to break his heart when Arthur told him they were through.  But if Elena was what made him happy, then who was Merlin to stand in the way?  “I found ways to entertain myself.  Are you ready to go then?”

“I’ve talked to everyone my father wanted me to, so I can’t see any reason to stay longer.”

Elena and her father must have left.  “Let’s go then.”

Merlin let Arthur usher him into the car with the brush of a hand on the small of his back, allowed him to hold his hand as they drove through the city.  He needed these final touches, needed them to be fresh in his memory for when they weren’t his to have anymore. If they ever had been his to have.

Arthur parked the car outside his flat.  He didn’t make a move to get out, though, and Merlin didn’t either.  Arthur’s face was half in shadow, the other half dimly lit by the streetlight.  Even then Merlin could see the nerves in his eyes.  This was it.  He was going to do it now.  “Merlin, I need to–”

“I met someone.”

Arthur blinked, brow furrowing.  “Met someone.  As in someone at the party?" He leaned forward a bit, probably trying to see Merlin's face better in the shadows. Merlin forced himself to seem aloof, but he knew he was likely failing.  "Did someone say something to you, something untowards?”

“As in I met someone else.  You remember my neighbour Freya?  We went out on a date the other night, and we decided we wanted to do it again.  I didn’t know how to tell you before, but you deserve to know.”

“You- I don’t understand.”  Arthur withdrew his hand.  Merlin felt bereft already.  “I thought- I know I've pushed you to make this public, but we don’t have to until you’re ready.  I’m fine with taking it as slow as you want.”

“It’s not about being ready, Arthur.”  He needed to get out of here.  He couldn’t take Arthur’s stupid sense of chivalry forcing him to pretend to fight for Merlin.  “I’m telling you I’m ready to move on.  With Freya.”  _And without you._

He opened the car door and got out, walking away at a slow enough clip that it at least couldn’t be called running.  Arthur didn’t chase after him.  Merlin had known he wouldn’t.  His sense of pride was as big as his chivalry.

But nothing could be bigger than the sense of sorrow as Merlin’s heart broke into a thousand pieces.

 

* * *

 

Arthur called into work sick the next day.  His secretary had been silent for a few minutes after he said it, too much in shock over his first sick day since she’d started working for him six years ago.  Then he buried himself back under his covers, determined to wallow in his own self-pity the rest of the day.  Perhaps even tomorrow too.

Of course the world apparently hated him, so that plan went to shite within an hour.

“Arthur Pendragon!  What do you think you’re doing?  What am I saying?  Clearly thinking isn’t something that you’ve been doing at all.”  Morgana yanked the covers off of him, glaring down at his curled up form.

Arthur rolled over, throwing a pillow at her.  “Leave me alone, Morgana.  I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Clearly,” Morgana sniffed.  “Poor Merlin was so taken by surprised last night.  How could you be so cruel to him?”

That had Arthur shooting upright.  “ _Me_ cruel to _him?_ ”

Arthur had no idea what had happened last night.  Yes, Merlin had been unhappy that Arthur was pushing the boundaries of the “secret” part of their relationship, but in the end no one had suspected and he’d said he’d been okay while Arthur did his duty on behalf of his father.  He’d thought maybe it would be the first step to them finally having a date at a restaurant or perhaps the cinema.  They could do it as “friends” like they had last night.  But then Merlin had dropped the bomb on him that he wanted to break up for someone else, a woman Arthur had always thought Merlin barely said hello to the halls.

“Yes, Arthur.  Honestly, I know Uther was hardly a role model in treating people sensitively, but I thought you were better than this.”

It couldn’t be better than Merlin.  Since the moment he’d laid eyes on him at _The Rising Sun_ , distracting him so much he missed grabbing for his soup bowl and dumped it down his front, Arthur had known there was no one else for him but Merlin.  No matter how long it took for Merlin to be comfortable coming out to the world, Arthur had been willing to wait.  He’d loved him.

Morgana wasn’t done with her tirade.  “I mean, flirting with her _right in front of him_!  The least you could have done is given him some warning.”

“Wait, flirting with who?  I wasn’t _flirting_ with anyone.”

“Elena!”  Morgana scoffed.  “If you’re not going to be serious about her either, then let her know now.  She deserves that as much as Merlin did.”

“Elena?  I wasn’t- I didn’t-”  Arthur was so confused.  “I’m not dating Elena!”

Morgana cocked an eyebrow.  “It sure looked like it to Merlin and me last night.”

Arthur’s hand snapped out to grab Morgana’s arm, nearly overbalancing himself and tumbling from the bed.  He caught himself just in time.  “Morgana.  You’re telling me Merlin thought I was flirting with someone else at the party last night?  That I wanted to be with someone else?”  He scrubbed his face with a hand, brain whirling.  “We were talking about something her _girlfriend_ did the other day.  She even suggested we go on a double date.  Merlin thought I was leaving him for _her_?”

“Arthur,” Morgana’s anger had lessened and she seemed unsure now, “I’m sure Merlin will forgive you if you just explain.”

Arthur dropped her arm.  “He didn’t give me a chance to explain.  He left me, Morgs.”

“Well you have to get him back.”

“How?  He said he wanted to be with someone else.  He’s already moved on.”

Morgana smacked him upside the head.  “Don’t be so dense.  _Obviously_ that was a lie.  I’ve seen you together, Arthur.  Merlin loves you.  Quite stupidly, not to put too fine a point on it.”

 _Me too_.  “Did you have to hit me?”

“If that’s what it takes to get through that thick skull of yours, yes.  Go fight for him, Arthur.  He might have been lying before, but he’s not going to wait forever.”

 

* * *

 

Merlin didn’t have to be to work until four that night, which meant he had all day to mourn the loss of the only relationship he was ever likely to have.  Certainly the only love he would ever allow himself to have.  Not that he had actually _allowed_ himself to fall in love with Arthur.  It had just sort of… happened.  He hadn’t been able to prevent it, no matter how many guards he put on his heart.

But now it was over, as he’d always known it would be.

Not feeling up to cooking, he ordered Chinese for lunch.  It had been his go to comfort food since he was twelve and realising not every friend was as accepting as Will that he’d rather be practicing his kissing on boys than girls.  Not ten minutes after he placed the order, the buzzer rang.  It was quick, but perhaps it was a slow day.  Merlin pressed the button to let them in the building, hoping it would work this time.  Last time he’d ordered pizza the poor man had been stuck outside for five minutes until Arthur had taken pity on him and gone downstairs to open the door by hand.

The knock a few seconds later was a good sign.  “Thanks, Charlie.  That chow mein ought to be- Arthur!”

Arthur shoved himself through the door as if afraid Merlin would slam it in his face.  Which perhaps Merlin should have.  “We need to talk.”

“I don’t think we do.”  Merlin balled his fists, digging his nails into his palms to ground himself.  “I told you, I’m with someone else now.”

“No.”

“No?”

Arthur crossed his arms, the same stubborn look on his face Merlin had seen whenever he was steeling himself for a fight with Morgana.  “No.  I’m not accepting that.”

“There’s nothing for you to accept.  It takes at least two people to have a relationship, Arthur, and I’m not going to be the other half of yours anymore.”

Arthur smirked, though it lacked some of the confidence it usually had.  “That’s because you’re an idiot, Merlin.  Luckily for you I’m perfectly willing to be the brains of this operation.  The brawn too if it comes to that.  I’m not letting you go.”

“Why not?”  Merlin hadn’t meant for the question to slip out so honestly curious, but the words had left his mouth before he could stop them.

“Why no–”  Arthur gaped.  “Because I love you, you clotpole!”

Oh, why did Arthur have to go and say that?  Merlin could feel himself caving, but he couldn’t.  It wasn’t real.  Arthur was going to be with Elena.  They were going to have a Christmas wedding.  “Look, we had fun together, and maybe you like me, sure, but you deserve more than just like.  Elena-”

“Is just a friend.”  Arthur reached out, grabbing Merlin’s hand before he could snatch it away.  “Morgana told me what happened last night, what you thought you saw.  Elena could never take your place, Merlin.  I love _you_.  I love your ridiculous hair and your ridiculous ears and every ridiculous thing about you.  And if I have to wait a thousand years for you to be ready for me to tell the world that, I will.  So long as I get to spend that thousand years with you by my side.”

“You deserve better than me,” Merlin whispered despite himself.

“Nothing could be better than you.”

Merlin’s last wall crumbled, and he allowed Arthur to pull him in close.  He couldn’t help a final “Are you sur-”

But Arthur was having none of it, his victory secure.  “I'm sure."  Arthur held him out just slightly, not enough to break their embrace, but so Merlin could see his face, an almost frightening mix of somber and loving.  "We're going to need to have a talk.  About what happened last night."

"I'm sorry, I didn't- I couldn't-" Merlin hung his head. "I didn't think you'd care."

Arthur kissed his forehead. "Obviously I needed to make my intentions towards you more clear.  Merlin, I will give you a damn ring if I have to to prove it to you. One may or may not have been sitting in my nightstand since our second date.”

“A rin– I– oh.”

And apparently, that was that.

 

 


End file.
